‘I was humiliated in front of a pub darts crowd for charity’

But despite my better judgment, these games felt different in defeat.

They were helping to raise money for cancer charity Macmillan as part of a mega marathon taking place at East Cowton pub The Beeswing Inn – and a handful of the matches were played against professional dartists including 2022 World Cup winner Simon Whitlock.

Organised by the pub’s landlady Beth Robinson, the event was a combination of a 12-hour game, with the aim of scoring 100,000 points on the board, and an all-singing, all-dancing, fancy-dress bonanza of a knockout tournament in the evening.

(Image: Stuart Boulton) Walking into the bar after a rail replacement bus had brought me on my way, the pub was already bustling. It was just after midday and the mood was the same as it would be for the entirety of my time at the Beeswing – buzzing.

There were hushed whispers of excitement at the prospect of professional darts players turning up. There were kids throwing magnetic darts at tiny boards from the several oches dotted around the pub. There were cakes and bakes and cuppas strewn over the bar and adjacent tables, all raising funds for charity.

(Image: Stuart Boulton) The bar did not diminish in numbers all day. In fact, I would confidently guess there were more people in the pub when I left at about 9.30pm than when I arrived at lunchtime.

Most regulars had a story about landlady Beth. All were glowing.

Her sense of community was the ‘driving force’ behind the event. Many approached me, unprompted, to tell me how wonderful she was and how she was such pillar of the community. ‘The event would not have happened without her’, they said. 

(Image: TGR Photography) It was Beth who sent a ‘cheeky’ email to Sky Sports to ask for some professional players to help out with the event. That email resulted in Simon Whitlock, his son Mason, and Robert Thornton appearing at this ‘small village pub’ to challenge punters to a game of arrows.

I was one of those who obliged.

It turns out that professional darts players are really good at playing darts.

(Image: The Beeswing Inn) It’s one thing seeing their precision and expertise through the lens of a TV camera and from the comfort of your sofa, but to stand at the oche with a World Championship finalist and a two-time World Seniors champion is something else entirely.

I promptly lost all three games against the pros, failing to get below a score of 100 in any game. They slaughtered me.

Another feeling that was completely foreign to me was stepping out in front of a crowd, music blaring and expectation looming, to throw pointy sticks at a wall. 

The lights are hot, your hands shake and then before you realise you lose again. Finality. A reminder of the impossibility of time and your place in the world swirling around a pub room as I walk out of the arena applauded for my ‘effort’ by nuns and a hotdog. 

(Image: The Beeswing Inn)

Recommended reading

But a sense of justice washed over as I realised that, by the time the knockout ended at 1.40am – 15 hours after the marathon began – that I was defeated by the overall champion of the evening.

Humiliation was worth it.

The pub has raised more than £6,300 for Macmillan currently, with the total expected to rise by the end of the week.

And I was proud to have lost every game I played to help make that happen.